I escaped from the clutches of some holy rolling treatment center in Arizona.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJesus is Fentanyl for my soul!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cGive him 40 CC\u2019s \u2014 Christ Conquers!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They kept talking about suiciding me and I half expected some sinister figure to approach me and say \u201cHillary Clinton sends her regards\u201d before bashing me with a dumbbell or whatever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They meant suicide precautions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Oh, whew. Glad we cleared that up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Awkward!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
backs slowly towards the door<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n This nurse was going to refuse to give my my heart and HIV meds to make an example of me for being late for medication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n She reconsidered when it was starting to look like I was going to embed her medication cart in the drywall before her shift was over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The next day I pointed out that they\u2019d release the fucking hounds to remind everyone to attend AA, but that as a licensed medical facility they were dead set against reminding people to take medications.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The place is designed like a fucking casino.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why the fuck would anyone have any concept of time in there?<\/p>\n\n\n\n They quickly changed some policies and started announcing medication times on the PA.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Speaking of the F word, their thing was clean language, clean living.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I tried to come up with a little song:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFrack frack frack a duck\u2026 say how do you do to a kangaroo? Say good morning gang to the orangutans, a wholesome outing at the zoo!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I bonded with the other gay Eskimo in our tribe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He talked about how the gay meetings were all toxic here, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Et tu, Brujas?<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I\u2019m sitting there in my Britney Spears T-shirt making penises out of play-doh and sticking the bendy figurine\u2019s legs behind his head.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This volcanic bitch asks me if I\u2019m re-living the trauma of my addiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I lost it and just about cried laughing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of their chaplains started talking about one of the churches I attend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was like hey, I\u2019m from there!<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes girl, I\u2019m a SPY, they sent me here to END you!<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just kidding, no really, that\u2019s the one all my Liturgy Service posts are about though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I signed out against medical advice. Frack that place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Their program consisted of hour after hour after hour of idiots at the pulpit droning in about how AA works y\u2019all!<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve been around 11+ years and I\u2019ve spent hundreds of hours listening to men and women give the ole\u2019 tired and true formulaic Saturday Night Special from the podium.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Half of them are drunk or high now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n My story might be fucked up but you know what, at least it\u2019s mine and it\u2019s not \u201churrr durrr hurrr my daddy beat me and I started drinking wine. And then I drank some more wine. And then some more wine. And muh steps and muh sponsor and I lived happily ever after.\u201d \ud83e\udd2a\ud83e\udd2a\ud83e\udd2a\ud83e\udd2a\ud83e\udd2a\ud83e\udd2a\ud83e\udd2a<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you really want to piss me off, give me and the tattoos the once over and tell me \u201cit\u2019s okay, you don\u2019t have to believe in god right now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s a rullll purty book you brought, SHIT, that\u2019s the same color blue my aunt turned when they narcan\u2019ed her, y\u2019all! Maybe you and the other missionaries can teach me how to read it someday. \ud83d\ude44<\/p>\n\n\n\n A few of the staff came by to tell me I\u2019m probably going to relapse. Blah blah blah, I know, I\u2019m Disobedient so I\u2019m going to DIE. Fuck you. You know when Judge Rutherford was going around in the 1800s with his \u201cMillions Now Living Will Never Die\u201d speeches, it was common for editors to quip \u201cMillions Now Living Would Rather Die Than Hear Judge Rutherford Speak.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I so love it when Christians share the Good News with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What, do you mean I won\u2019t be a success story like the 20% of the people on the unit who have successfully completed your program one or more times and are back after a relapse? \ud83d\ude2d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Another rehab scam that regurgitates BillShit and charges your insurance $3000+ a day for it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I escaped from the clutches of some holy rolling treatment center in Arizona. \u201cJesus is Fentanyl for my soul!\u201d \u201cGive him 40 CC\u2019s \u2014 Christ Conquers!\u201d They kept talking about suiciding me and I half expected some sinister figure to approach me and say \u201cHillary Clinton sends her regards\u201d before bashing me with a dumbbell […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7461"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7461"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7461\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12053,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7461\/revisions\/12053"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7461"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7461"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7461"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}