If we’re gonna be truth-telling, then let’s tell the truth: I saw something shiny and pretty at AA , he wanted a ride , and my dick said “yes.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I knew better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And, yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Wrote a blog entry about it, want to read it? Here it go!<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n I picked somebody up at an AA meeting, he was cute I guess but he\u2019d be a lot cuter if he wasn\u2019t on the shit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I could tell he was still going through it, he wanted me to take him home with me and I was like sorry dude\u2026 we\u2019re sitting in my home right now. I don\u2019t have anywhere to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He asked me where I was going, and I told him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was going to go to Monterey to stand out on the coast and try to relax.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He asked if he could come with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Or could he come to [I don\u2019t want to name my next destination.] ?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I asked him if he knew anyone there or what he\u2019d do when he got there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He had no idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I asked if he had clothes or belongings or anything. You want to go \u2026 just like that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Nope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I drove around and talked to him a little bit and we exchanged stories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then I saw his hands: They were bright red like a steamed lobster all the way down to his knuckles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I said \u201cshit dude this isn\u2019t good you\u2019re malnourished and dehydrated.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n You need to give yourself a break from the drugs, eat, hydrate, rest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not saying you have to stop forever and ever and ever but you .. need a break.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don\u2019t have facts to back me up but if your hands look like that you probably have some inflammation in your brain. And you\u2019re not giving your heart any nutrients and you\u2019re making it work that hard oh my god. I\u2019m not going to tell someone that if they\u2019re tweaking though.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I stopped and got him a pizza and some stuff to drink.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For a little while he grabbed my other phone and picked the music.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I liked his selection and taste.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And then \u2026.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He grabbed a container of bug spray and leaned out the window and started wiping my car with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He started smearing it all over the inside of my windshield.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Okay, here we go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUh please don\u2019t do that on my side, I need to see the road.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He started rubbing the bug spray all over his hands.<\/p>\n\n\n\n *pause*<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHey\u2026 do you \u2026 put a lot of bug spray on your skin? I\u2019m wondering if you\u2019re poisoning yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n No answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Oh fuck is he huffing BUG SPRAY?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mentally, I latched on to this question about why his hands were so red and so dead looking. What is wrong with his health? What does this mean?<\/p>\n\n\n\n He grabbed the wheel and rocked it a little bit and I asked him to not do that either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He asked me if he could drive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I said absolutely fucking not.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Okay we\u2019re done here: I did a U-turn.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Then he turned on my dome light and started staring into the back of my car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Paranoia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I turned on the master switch for all the interior lights.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He stared at me and said \u201cyou look old now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I sighed. I was drained at this point.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fergie\u2019s \u201cBig Girls don\u2019t Cry\u201d came on the radio.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I said \u201cyou know Fergie was a tweaker right?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe was?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I know a thing or two about MasterSketch Theater.<\/em> She\u2019s a bitch.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I read him an excerpt of this interview:<\/p>\n\n\n\n In the early Noughties, Fergie\u2019s vice was crystal meth, an addiction she beat before finding fame with Black Eyed Peas.<\/em> \u201cI remember thinking: \u2018If I walk outside, and the SWAT team\u2019s out there, I was right all along. But if they\u2019re not out there, then it\u2019s the drugs making me see things and I\u2019m going to end up in an institution. And if it really is the drugs, I don\u2019t want to live my life like this any more, anyway.\u2019 I walked out of the church; obviously there was no SWAT team, it was just me in a parking lot. It was a freeing moment.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe drugs thing, it was a hell of a lot of fun\u2026 until it wasn\u2019t. But you know what, I thank the day it happened to me. Because that\u2019s my strength, my faith, my hope for something better.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Not everyone would have turned themselves around, and then go on to become a super-successful singer. \u201cIt\u2019s so incredible, I know. I think I must have guardian angels.\u201d<\/em> He started arguing with \u2026 I don\u2019t know what \u2026 about a \u201ctransfer\u201d and how he\u2019d been cloned and they were having sex with his body and fisting it right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He kept asking me about the \u201ctransfer\u201d and I said I\u2019m sorry but I don\u2019t know what that means.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He asked me if I wanted to score drugs with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I pulled over and said okay I\u2019ll take you back to where I picked you up but you\u2019re going to stop this right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I started driving again, a little more apprehensive now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He started punching the pizza box and yelling that he wanted to see my dick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cUh, that\u2019s not happening.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He punches the pizza box even harder, emphasizing every word with another punch:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGET YOUR FUCKING DICK HARD FOR ME. RIGHT NOW.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNot happening and that\u2019s definitely not how you get my dick hard.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He repeated what he said and I said I\u2019m going to treatment, I don\u2019t care what you do but I\u2019m not getting high.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He says \u201cI just want to score some crystal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I\u2019m like ok cool you have choices about how to end or spend tonight, we\u2019re going back to where I picked you up and you can do that.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Sad part is , out here in San Francisco or Los Angeles these guys will encounter someone in this condition and pump you full of even more drugs and fuck you \u2014 looking at you, Ed Buck.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n He started rambling about how we\u2019re going to get some stuff and a cheap seedy hotel and how he\u2019s going to find three guys to fuck me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s just what you like, don\u2019t fucking lie. You\u2019re going to a do a shot!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fuck I am, not with my blown up and trashed ticker I\u2019m not. There\u2019s a reason I don\u2019t give a fuck what anyone thinks about me or what I have to say anymore.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n He says \u201cgreat, thanks for making me fall out of love.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wat.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n I was already about 0.2 seconds away from stopping the car and telling him to get out when he dumped the pizza all over me and started clawing at me and punching my window trying to break it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cLet me the fuck out!!!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cNo problem.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I came to a halt on the 101 and he couldn\u2019t figure out how to unlock the door. He was kicking the door frantically and screaming and clawing at me like a feral cat and I was like \u201cplease just let me unlock the door for you that\u2019s all I\u2019m doing I\u2019m not going to hurt you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n He spit out the thing he\u2019d been chewing on the whole time:<\/p>\n\n\n\n I got the door open and he darted off onto the 101 like a startled deer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He\u2019d upended pizza and soda all over my car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I pulled off at the next exit and got on my knees to thank God I was safe, and to pray that dude doesn\u2019t get hit by a car\u2026 or attack someone else\u2026 or get tazed or worse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I didn\u2019t see the accident happen\u2026<\/em> but I learned the next morning that a northbound SUV swerved to miss him and killed two or three of its occupants.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Okie dokie God, I just put in a good word for you all but a few hours ago and I said that your fingerprints are all over everything. Where are we going with this one?<\/p>\n\n\n\n I looked up from where I\u2019d knelt down and I was kneeling in front of the sign for the hotel chain I usually stay at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n *mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, long pause*<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was done with my car and I was done with this trip.<\/p>\n\n\n\n [The vehicle, too. I took it over to my cousin\u2019s and gave him the keys and title and told him I never wanted to see it again.]<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was told once that \u201cinsanity\u201d is not \u201cintoxicated behavior,\u201d if you give Grandma enough crystal meth she\u2019ll hop up in a sling and get gang banged or let you fist her and peek out the windows and take apart the lawnmower, too.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cInsanity\u201d means \u201cI want to use that shit even though it\u2019s doing all of these horrible things to me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n I was staring at that tonight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This guy was in this condition and he was like \u201cI want to score some crystal.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n That is the \u201cinsanity\u201d we \u201ccome to believe\u201d will be removed from us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I want to live. I want to go watch the ocean from the coast in Monterey today.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If we’re gonna be truth-telling, then let’s tell the truth: I saw something shiny and pretty at AA , he wanted a ride , and my dick said “yes.” I knew better. And, yet. Wrote a blog entry about it, want to read it? Here it go! I picked somebody up at an AA meeting, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15297"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15297"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15297\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":15302,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15297\/revisions\/15302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/v4.fadingstar.mx\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
Tina talks a lot of shit.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAt my lowest point, I was [suffering from] chemically induced psychosis and dementia. I was hallucinating on a daily basis. It took a year after getting off that drug for the chemicals in my brain to settle so that I stopped seeing things. I\u2019d just be sitting there, seeing a random bee or bunny.\u201d<\/em>
Her hallucinations became so severe that she thought the CIA, FBI and a SWAT team were tracking her. She eventually sought solace in a church, probably on some level, she thinks, because of her Catholic upbringing.<\/em>
\u201cThey tried to kick me out, because I was moving down the aisles in this crazy way, as I thought there was an infrared camera in the church trying to check for my body. I bolted past the altar into a hallway and two people were chasing me.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
We rode in silence for awhile.<\/p>\n\n\n\n